It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
