Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day

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(773): View more from Illinois

He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.

Fav 5 1090 2189
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(860): View more from Connecticut

i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.

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(850): View more from Florida

this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.

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(303): View more from Colorado

When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying

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