I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
