I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
