He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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