My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
