I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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