guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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