I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
