On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
