Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
