Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
