I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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