i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
