I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
