He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
