too bad you live with your parents still
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
