saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
