We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
