remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
