I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
