i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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