Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
