i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
