K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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