A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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