My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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