I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
whose ass print is on the piano?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
