Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
