She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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