I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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