Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
