Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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