Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
