what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
