Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
