Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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