perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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