"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
