Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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