there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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