Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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