Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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