Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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