No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
