People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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