i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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