He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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