i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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