I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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