you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
