Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You are a genius and a whore.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
