Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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