The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
