CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
