Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
