I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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