the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
