Yo dont text me then not text me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
