Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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