proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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