My sheets look like a crime scene.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
