I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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