You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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