yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
