There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
