Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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