It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was born with a shot glass in my hand
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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