Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Someone signed my nipple.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
