my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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