But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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