Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
