Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
