been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
