wrigley field is MILF paradise
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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