I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
