cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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