Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
